But what really is SAFETY?

8/24/20262 min read

From a Chi for Two® perspective, safety is defined as being able to stop an interaction for any reason at any time.

What can that look like in reality?

It can look like talking to a friend who asks you a question and saying, “I don’t want to talk about that.” It can also look like talking with co-workers during lunch and then getting up to go to the bathroom when the topic of conversation is not one you want to be a part of. In more subtle ways safety can look turning your head away from the person facing you who just made a request that did not feel okay. For many of us, breaking eye contact and looking away when listening to another person is difficult. A Chi for Two Contralateral practice called “Knowing No” helps breaking eye contact and turning one’s head away from the person speaking more accessible. When “Knowing No” is easier to practice during interactions, a Chi for Two Gesture practice called “Saying No” becomes easier too.

It can be helpful to practice both “Knowing No” and “Saying No” with a Chi for Two Embodiment Coach because many of us are susceptible to not feeling in our adult bodies when a request is made from another person. It can be especially hard to say No to a person in which there is a “built-in” power differential like a parent or boss because so many of us were shamed for expressing No early in life when our brains were developing most rapidly.

Countless adults living today struggle with boundaries and say Yes to requests even though they want to say No. “People pleasing” makes it difficult to have time, energy, and resources to take care of oneself. Often, people pleasers are the ones others go to for support, and they do not reach out for support themselves. Unfortunately, experiencing boundary issues can make it more likely for people to swing between the nervous system states of Shut-down and Fight/Flight which are unsustainable for long periods of time. Chronic health conditions like autoimmune, metabolic, and neurodegenerative disorders are more likely to arise when the body experiences minimal time in Play/Dance and Rest and Digest as it gets to in Social Engagement system functioning.

Ultimately, Chi for Two helps people experience more time in Social Engagement system functioning. When a Chi for Two somatic practice is invited, it can help movements that have been stuck in Shut-down move through Fight/Flight to Social Engagement system functioning because those movements are caught and celebrated instead of being shamed or dismissed like they may have been earlier in life. When a person feels safe in their body and can say stop an interaction for any reason at any time, they are less likely to want to control others because they feel embodied whether alone, with another person or with a group.

Can you imagine collectively how much healthier and happier we could be if no adult felt like they had to control other bodies because they did not feel in control of their own?!?

"When we do practices seeking presence, deep urges for support get stirred." Caroline Gebhardt, co-developer of Chi for Two®

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