The Reach for Connection

During the first few years of life, a baby’s brain patterns more than 1 million new neural connections every second. The brain and more broadly speaking nervous system patterning is impacted by our interactions with our primary caregivers. It wasn’t until the early 2000s that “skin to skin contact” became common practice after birth. The “skin to skin contact” involves a crawl to the breast which for many is our first reach for connection with the body we come out of.

Just a few years later in 2007 the first iPhone launched. Only three years after that Instagram was introduced. Fast forward to 2026, Instagram has about 3 billion users which is over a third of the world’s population!

What do our earliest reaches with our eyes, hands, feet and voices have to do with our seemingly endless reaches for social media apps?

Well, our smartphones are often the closest thing within reach that can connect us with another’s face and voice. When our attempt to connect is met such as when we feel seen & heard by an elder; dopamine and acetylcholine are released. But when our attempt to connect is not met such as when watching videos on social media adrenaline is released. The former example helps us feel present. But the latter causes more Fight/Flight followed by Shut-down and a vicious cycle of swinging between the two more primitive nervous system states.

Collectively, we experience so many spaces that trigger a perpetual swing between Fight/Flight and Shut-down. For example, we may witness horrifying news on 1 of the 20 TVs at the sports bar only to find ourselves ordering more beers than we planned to shut down the adrenaline in our body. We may buy only ultra processed food at the grocery store even though we planned to focus on eating whole food because on our drive to the store we almost got into an accident since we were looking at our phone. When we are in a space where there are many strangers such as a sporting event we don’t realize at every moment our nervous system is perceiving whether we are safe or unsafe. We aren’t taught that the more people we come across the more likely we are to experience Fight/Flight followed by Shut-down.

But when our reach for an elder like a Chi for Two® Embodiment Coach is met repeatedly in session such as through the Chi for Two somatic practices of “Reach/Grab/Pull” or “Basketing” we start to reach for support rather than for distraction. That reach for support may look like reaching out to our Embodiment Coach between sessions, reaching out to a mentor or sponsor, or reaching for our journal, book, paintbrushes, or a cozy place to rest our bodies. As addictive as social media is, when we practice reaching for what nourishes us, the pull to continue “doomscrolling” can dwindle.

Many of us who try “digital detoxes” find ourselves returning to social media with the same unhealthy use because of our lack of awareness of how somatic practices can help us reach for support. But how much more connected might we feel if so many of us weren’t reaching for our phones during downtime or “humblebragging” or “flexing” through posts? What if instead we shared our experiences with others through phone call, in person, or through artistic expression?

We might even forget we have phones because we feel present, in the moment, the here and now….and that is enough and there is just not any allure to the lie they sell us of needing more.

"When we do practices seeking presence, deep urges for support get stirred." Caroline Gebhardt, co-developer of Chi for Two®

© 2024 Kristin Smith, somatictherapyandhealing.com All rights reserved.